Breastfeeding experience

In honour of breastfeeding week, I would like to document my breastfeeding experience because it's really no mean feat. So, from the beginning I've always thought I should breastfeed exclusively for the first 6 months as according to WHO recommendations (and since I'm a healthcare professional, I always try to follow evidence-based guidelines lol). But since Ella was admitted for phototherapy the 3rd day of life, which was when my milk kicked in, I was worried she wasn't stimulating my milk supply (and also I gave up on exclusive breastmilk for her because she was given formula during her admission, and I couldn't produce enough at that time since my milk just kicked in). The feeling of milk kicking in is super uncomfortable, I think that's what mastitis really feels like because the boobs go rock hard and super engorged; I kept pumping with tears streaming down my face because it was so painful (and me who never shed a tear during delivery, this tells you how painful engorgement can feel like) and prayed that I will NEVER get to experience mastitis (which meant I would not purposely stimulate myself to have an oversupply). The first 2 months were tough; she fed nearly every hour, at one point she was cluster feeding every evening that I just gave up on counting down the time towards bedtime, I just passed my time watching drama whilst feeding her (and surprisingly I did finish one drama during her 2nd month lol). Night feedings were okay for me because I think I'm naturally a night owl, so waking up at night once or twice were bearable. But I missed napping in the daytime and if she didn't nap, I'd get really tired. So, in the first 3 months, as Ella had a very good latch, I was direct feeding her from the breast most of the time and have no idea how much I really produced. 

Hence, when I started work, I was thinking of supplementing with formula (at that time I had exclusively breastfed her for 2 months, I stopped formula after the 1st month as it seemed I had enough supply). Then, it turned out she may have allergy to cow milk protein, which meant no formula unless it was extensively hydrolyzed. But although I have to sacrifice not having dairy at all, in a way it was good for her as it forced me to really exclusively breastfeed her and it turned out, my supply is just enough for her. She's turning 6 months soon; which means that I have exclusively breastfed her for at least 4 months already, and I didn't think I would persevere till now. Pumping takes a lot of time and washing up pump parts is my least favourite thing to do. But luckily she still likes to latch so I only pump during the daytime when I have to work and latch her afterwards during the evening, nights and weekends. I'm glad I get to breastfeed because I think its due to this that I lost my pregnancy weight so fast (I'm now at my pre-pregnant weight, and even my gynae said I looked like I never got pregnant during my 6 week checkup hahaha), and Ella always stops crying pretty quickly whenever I offer her the boob (that is if she cries due to boredom or no other reason like hunger or wet diaper). 

In short, breastfeeding is really tough with no support but luckily my hubby has been a great support. Older people still believe in formula and at first I was quite stressed about this but I didn't want to stress myself too much so I supplemented whenever it seemed like she was still hungry as fed is best. But since Ella herself likes to breastfeed, I think she's still the greatest support before hubby that spur me to breastfeed through milk blebs and aerola abrasion (both quite painful, not kidding, I shed so many tears the first month due to this). 

Here's to hoping that I can continue breastfeeding her as long as she wants or needs it! 

Of labour and delivery experience and postpartum

 What's the point of a blog if not to record life experiences? Although I've been very lazy of late; well, that just shows life gets in the way. I've been meaning to record details of my wedding but even that has been delayed for 3 years (I think I'll try to pen these thoughts down soon as being on maternity leave still affords me a bit of time when Ella is sleeping; if she sleeps that is.. lately she has been resisting naps -.-) 

Anyway since I think I'm most probably a one and done kind of person, better to jot down this birth experience before it goes hazy. So, my pregnancy has been a smooth experience so far (thank God really); no morning sickness, no edema, heartburn or any of the typical pregnancy symptoms; in fact I felt very like myself except for back pain towards the third trimester (which I assume is probably because baby's head has started to descend). Although there was a bleeding scare during the 22nd week, "threatened pregnancy", of which I had to take progesterone and even do a detailed scan of my own accord, everything was smooth sailing. Too smooth in fact, that in the end, I couldn't tell when the early contractions had started. So, luckily I've been following up with a private gynae because it's thanks to her that I got an induction of labour as baby's weight has been slowing down towards the end (not following the normal growth curve). I've also been following up with government but they think that everything is fine and dandy, in fact, their ultrasound weight differ with that of private by 500gm, I'm not sure why). 

Anyway my last pregnancy follow-up was on CNY eve, lol. My gynae said better not wait, so she gave me an admission slip to be induced on the 4th day of CNY (it was a Monday, so luckily I can enjoy the first few days of CNY first, and be pretty sure that my gynae is in on Monday). On the day I was admitted, I was already 3cm dilated. I have felt some belly tightening towards the end but I thought they were Braxton Hicks or baby moving, but apparently they were early labour contractions. So, I was given half a progesterone pessary (this thing actually cost MYR200++, so expensive!). My gynae doesn't want to stress baby so we started with half a dose. Then the waiting began. I was fitted with the CTG monitoring to monitor baby's heartbeat and my uterine contractions every 1-2hours. Remember why I said luckily I was induced? Because I don't really feel the contractions (not complaining about this blessing really). I've been praying very hard for a painless and easy delivery (PAINLESS, even though it seems laughable and unbelievable.. but it was true in a sense thank God). I panicked every time the nurses asked me if I wanted a painkiller each time they checked me because I was like... how pain is pain? I don't think I need it yet but what if it gets too pain and too late? Then every time they asked me did I felt the contraction? I was like erm... lol. But anyway when my gynae checked me at 5pm, I was only 4cm dilated. She gave me an option of waiting it out or to be induced with oxytocin there and then. I read that the contractions can get really intense if induced by oxytocin so I chose to wait, and I did squats all night and walked about to try to get more dilated.

At midnight, baby's heartbeat was tachycardic, so the midwife give me hydration with IV saline. Ugh, first time ever I had to have a drip; in fact being in labour is the first reason I've been admitted to hospital in my life. But no choice, because I was also a GBS carrier, so I had to have the drip to have IV antibiotics before delivery as well. And when 6am came and no signs of baby coming, I had to be induced with oxytocin. So, since this was a private hospital, I was all ready to calm myself to have a natural pain-free birth by bringing an extra pillow of my own and lots of snacks into the labour room. So it was 645am that they started the Pitocin drip, so how this works is they start with a very low dose and increase it every half hour I think. I think my gynae came to see me at 8am, my memory is a bit hazy at this point but I remember the contractions were just uncomfortable at that point but the only reaction I had was muscle pain at my thighs which caused me to involuntarily contract. My gynae just told me to get the pethidine jab to help me get relaxed and sleep so I can push when the time comes since she said my face was already red from the muscle ache (at this point I thought the pain was still bearable but I was also wondering if I needed epidural yet because the nurses keep asking me!!). So, they gave me the pethidine through the butt muscle, and then I felt I had to go to the toilet. Luckily, because after everything settle, I was beginning to feel dizzy and drowsy. So, at this point I already lost track of time; I only knew I felt drowsy and I was tossing and turning when I suddenly felt a gush of water, so I told hubby. Okay, he said that was at 8:47am. And I was dilated 6cm at that point. So the story is:

9:14: they gave me entonox (nitrous oxide gas); so this thing will make one's mouth very dry so I wanted water all the time. I remember at this point I was damn thirsty and wanted water, but hubby asked me if I wanted apple juice (because before labour started I wanted apple juice) and I was so frustrated and feeling a lot of pressure so I just shouted BRING ME WATER CAN OR NOT!!!!! lol Somewhere around here I was 10cm dilated already so they had to bring my gynae in (she was in her clinic)

Thank goodness it was a working day and that it was induction and not some spontaneous labour because... I was ready to push at 930am after my gynae arrived. And y'know what the feeling is like? That you need to do a number 2. I wasn't even aware I was pushing a baby out, I just thought I really need to poop!! Badly!! And apparently the head was already engaged. I didn't even feel anything (I thought there would be some burning feeling but nada.) I was just wondering how come baby's head can fit through? And I feel nothing? Is it thanks to pethidine? I don't know. Anyway apparently I pushed twice but she wouldn't come through so my gynae did a small cut at the perineum after all. I'm fine with it, because I certainly don't want to be pushing for hours and get torn naturally and be all tired. In the end, baby was out in 15 minutes. They said I pushed very good. But I screamed a lot. (Actually I wasn't screaming in pain, I was screaming to let them know I was pushing because I was afraid they wouldn't know lol). And the pushes were timed to the contraction intensity which can be monitored by the CTG. But my body was telling me when to push as well so it's all good. Recovery was fast with no complications, I didn't even use any painkillers after the initial diclofenac suppository wore off. No wonder they said vaginal delivery is better than a c-sec. My mom said I'm a fertile birthing machine -.- 

So that's that. Although the pregnancy and delivery experience was alright, I think I struggled more with the postpartum period. Actually my uterus contracted quite fast so I think I could fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes 10 days post partum (I didn't even do any massage or wear whatever corset; I even told Choo Wei actually it's not unbelievable models get back their figure so fast) But, Ella had jaundice and we weren't told how to manage it properly so she had to have phototherapy and was admitted twice for this. And then, during the follow-up for prolonged jaundice, it turned out she had UTI and had to be admitted for IV antibiotics. Gosh, imagine dealing with this during my confinement, because she had jaundice and I was breastfeeeding, I was also told to avoid those herbs and heaty food confinement usually serve. And I keep worrying that it's my fault she has jaundice and lost 10% of her birth weight. But, being admitted to UM for UTI gave me a chance to level-up and take care of her alone (because before that either my mom or hubby was around). Sure enough after discharge, I was quite confident to take care of her alone (which I do most days now). But, breastfeeding exclusively and being a good parent is even harder than pregnancy or delivery so I don't think I would want to go through this again. Even though supplementing is acceptable but I still feel this unspoken pressure of being able to breastfeed exclusively for the first 6 months. For now, she has adequate weight gain by direct latch but on days when I try pumping an entire day whilst my mom looks after her, I feel that my supply is not enough. But I've been convincing myself that it's alright, being a good parent is not about being able to breastfeed exclusively for at least 6 months. And I also cannot stop worrying when she has UTI or when she has some eczema on her face (luckily it cleared up, after one application of steroid cream, better than any papaw ointment or whatever).  But the thing is I feel that my own mom is giving me more pressure on being a good parent because she's always commenting this and that (I know she means well though) and she really loves Ella so much I feel that I'm neglected :( . Oh well. It's okay, Ella really is a dear (for now, hopefully forever lah lol). 

So yeah, welcome to our lives and I hope you'll enjoy being our daughter, my little Ang Ella. 

P/S: I really wasn't thinking her name will sound like Angela when I thought of Ella but it does, lol. Happy coincidence or not? Haha