20/6/2020
This is so cliche, never thought I'd want to document this down but I feel that I should so that I can see how time really changes my perspective on such a life-changing event. First thoughts first, I did not expect it to happen so quickly; in fact, I'm still in a state of disbelief even as I am writing this now. So, yesterday, I thought I'd do a pregnancy test just to be sure that I can drink alcohol during the Father's Day steamboat I was gonna hold at my place (I know, what a frivolous thought; in fact ever since I'd promised hubby I'd try, I'd been trying to indulge in all kinds of foods that I was afraid I won't get to eat for 9 months, like medium-rare steak, sukiyaki dipped in raw egg and sashimi, or maybe I just want an excuse to eat whatever I wanted after 3 months of MCO home-cooked food, lol). Anyway, it wasn't my first time doing a test because my period's not really regular, so I have a bunch of cheapo sticks at home to test whenever my period is late (and believe me, it has happened few times that it's late for 2 weeks and I'd always be panicking because I wasn't ready, even though protection was involved). My period's not even late yet this time (but like I said, it's not regular, always +/- 5 days), so I just tested for fun and...a really faint line appeared. I'VE NEVER GOTTEN THIS BEFORE. Anyway I called hubby, and he just grinned and said "yay". Gosh. But, I don't really believe it yet because we've only "tried" for one month and by trying, it just meant we'd stop using condoms. So, I said we should get Clearblue because that's more reliable, and we went to get one after lunch (MYR 20, and it's not even the digital type because too expensive). Once home, I told hubby I will test again using another cheapo stick just to be sure the previous one wasn't faulty. Again, another faint line. Still in disbelief. I was like it's impossible! Clearblue positive only I believe. So, I tested using Clearblue. Wow, branded really branded, the + sign was so clear. So, I guess that's how we found out. Erm, I'm not saying I'm taking it for granted that this will be a successful pregnancy or sounding frivolous about it, in fact, my stance is still that I don't really believe I should bring such an innocent child into this horrible world, but I've always believed that if I was fated to do so, I'd just accept it and will do my best. Plus, there is still that lil bit of peer pressure, and hubs is really such a good hubs, he's given me no reason to doubt his sincerity in our marriage so far so I figured I'd owe it to him to try (also, I've always said I don't really want a rat baby and I will try after this... but of course if anything happens prematurely, it's out of my control too right?) Also, since the pandemic has caused travel to virtually come to a standstill, I guess this is the best time to try and not feel left out of travelling? Hmm.
Symptoms: Nothing that won't be mistaken with PMS. Actually, I do feel tired easily lately, but hubby said I'm always tired >.>. Also, I've been waking up in the middle of the night to pee even though I'd just went before sleeping, it's really quite annoying. But then again seeing the time showing like 3am and that I still have few hours of sleep left makes me happy. If that makes sense.
Afterthoughts: It's been long since I've written a diary-style kind of entry; I'd wanted to write one about my wedding but laziness just got in the way. Anyway, I don't know why but I still feel calm (good lah, no anxiety), about everything. Like on the day I got married, I thought I would be like "OMG, I'm getting married today", but nope, I just felt like I was going through the motions (maybe it's because we were already legally married, I did have disbelieving thoughts about that day like omg, someone really wants to marry me), but as the marriage wasn't consummated yet, doesn't really feel like we were married also lol). But, pregnancy. I'm scared. Still calm though (because we haven't seen a doctor anyway, but I'm so calm that I think I will only see one two weeks from now). But, whatever happens will happen so can't think too much about it.
09/07/2020
So this is really funny, actually, we went to a GP for our first scan (because I'm cheapo like that and because the government clinic (KKIA) insisted we get a scan to "confirm" before opening the prenatal book because apparently it is a lot of hassle to open) on 3rd July, but GP just saw a sac and said it's too early to see anything else. Me being me, having read about blighted ovums and whatnot and afraid I will waste the KKIA's time without a proper scan, insisted to go see a gynae today, at least few days before the appointment. So, we heard the heartbeat! But I dunno why I just felt like..still surreal. I mean maybe people will usually start recording their baby's first heartbeat or whatever, but I was just staring at the screen unable to believe the little flicker was inside me, and hubby was quiet (afterwards he said he was busy wondering how the ultrasound manage to produced heartbeat sounds >.>), and it felt like the gynae was taking her time to scan so we could be excited but we weren't showing much reaction. So yeah, I guess we're really pregnant.
09/07/2020
So this is really funny, actually, we went to a GP for our first scan (because I'm cheapo like that and because the government clinic (KKIA) insisted we get a scan to "confirm" before opening the prenatal book because apparently it is a lot of hassle to open) on 3rd July, but GP just saw a sac and said it's too early to see anything else. Me being me, having read about blighted ovums and whatnot and afraid I will waste the KKIA's time without a proper scan, insisted to go see a gynae today, at least few days before the appointment. So, we heard the heartbeat! But I dunno why I just felt like..still surreal. I mean maybe people will usually start recording their baby's first heartbeat or whatever, but I was just staring at the screen unable to believe the little flicker was inside me, and hubby was quiet (afterwards he said he was busy wondering how the ultrasound manage to produced heartbeat sounds >.>), and it felt like the gynae was taking her time to scan so we could be excited but we weren't showing much reaction. So yeah, I guess we're really pregnant.
27/9/2020
Lol, can't believe I haven't updated here for so long. But I really have nothing much to say. I guess that's good, that so far, I've not been having dreaded morning sickness symptoms *touchwood*, now nearly one-third through my 2nd trimester.. I've been travelling a lot (like trying to make up for future lost time lol)...I've seen baby a few times on the ultrasound, still disbelieving that I'm carrying one inside me... Oh, and I'm not those kind of person that likes to look pregnant or showing off a bump so actually I'm quite glad my bump is still small (as long as baby is healthy, it really doesn't matter to me if I look pregnant or not, plus I still get to wear all my old clothes), plus its all about the angles in photos. I've been to my first baby expo, quite alarmed at how much all the big ticket items for baby is worth (I think hubby is more shocked). But what I'm most annoyed is my mom who keeps asking me about the gender and hoping that it's a boy (she also hoped me and my sister were boys and did not hesitate to let us know her disappointment when we weren't). I really hate this. We have no gender preference yet I hate knowing that if her grandchild is not a boy, she may not love her as much. Sigh. I should stop living for her acceptance.
Anyway I don't think I really will update much anymore because really, being pregnant is nothing very special. So many people have been doing it through the ages. Of course, this doesn't mean I am taking this pregnancy for granted, but I think its only worth writing about if my future child is raised right and be someone successful like Mark Zuckerberg or something lol, because not many people can claim to be parents of such children. Maybe I might only update to rant or something.
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